Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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