do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
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So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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