Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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