how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
