i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
