pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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