I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
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