i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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