I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
