Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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