I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
