Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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