Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
