I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
