12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
