Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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