i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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