My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
