When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
