Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
