Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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