he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
