If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
