her vagine was all disorganized.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
