I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
