Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
