I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
