"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral