i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?