I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend