My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.