I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
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Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
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he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.