singing on the bus should be illegal
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.