I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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