i love accidental penises.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I just want nice things and good sex
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself