But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again