How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.