U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
