I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
