he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
