OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
there is glitter all over my balls
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