Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
