just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
