She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
we should paint friendship bongs
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