I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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