shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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