mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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