If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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