I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
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I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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