I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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