You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
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this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
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Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize