you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
