All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
