I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
