she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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