when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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