in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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