I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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