Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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