I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
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She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize