i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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