so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
