No stitches, just platelets and will power
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
