2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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