I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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