The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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