she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
